To forgive another is the greatest favor you can do... for yourself
- Take the initiative. Don't wait for the other person to apologize.
- If the forgiven person wants to reenter your life, it is far to demand truthfulness. He should be made to understand, to feel the hurt you've felt. Then you should expect a sincere promise that you won't be hurt that way again.
- Be patient. If the hurt is deep, you can't forgive in a single instant.
- Forgive "retail" not "wholesale". It is almost impossible to forgive someone for being a bad person. Instead focus on the particular act that hurt you. (It might help if you write it down)
- Don't expect too much. To forgive doesn't mean you must renew a once-closed relationship.
- Discard your self-righteousness. A victim is not a saint, You, too will need forgiveness someday.
- Separate anger from from hate. To dissolve your hate, face your emotion and accept it as natural, then discuss it, either with the object of your hatred (if you can do without escalating your hatred) or with a trusted third party.
- Forgive yourself. This may be the hardest act of all. Candor is critical. Admit your fault. Then be concrete and specific about what is bothering you. Remember; your deed was evil, you are not.
